Massage of friends and family

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A therapist often experience that friends and family want free massages or special discounts. It's natural to ask your friends for help when you have a problem or need something, and what's more logical than asking the massage therapist who happens to be your daughter, your best friend or even a cousin? We all do it, asking the family computer expert to help us fix our computer, our best friend carpenter to help us with the carport, our uncle electrician to help us with that socket that's been teasing us.

It can become a problem and damage the relationships. For where is the limit? Giving one massage as a birthday gift, will it be valued the same as a gift bought? If you give one free massage to a friend, will they then expect future massages to be free, or perhaps never buy a massage from you?
There's also the intimacy especially with family. Will a brother or mother be comfortable lying on the table in the nude (draped or not draped), and become vulnerable and open to you?

There's also the question of family and friends wanting to pay us back and give us something for what we give them, and us having a problem accepting that appreciation. Money does tend to make things awkward and uncomfortable. There is that old saying that you never should lend your friends money, and giving massages can fall under the same. They become indebted to you even if they perhaps didn't want to be so.

How do we say stop and set up the limits?

The best thing here is of course to set the limits and rules from the start. To tell friends and family right off, if you want a massage it's either a gift or you  have to pay for it. But that doesn't address the issue of us wanting to help and heal our friends and family when they're in pain or just need that break from stress and worries.

I don't have any set answers but can only share what I personally do. Some of my good friends are massage therapists, so there it's easy and we just do massage exchanges.

I have two really good friends that I give free massages and use as guinea pigs when I learn new skills, or want to experiment with techniques. In return they take me out for lunch, dinner, the cinema or other fun things together. I love to massage them and give them that special treatment, I love that I have some I can count on to try out new techniques and hone new skills with, and they certainly enjoy being at the receiving end.

Other more distant friends I might invite to become practice models, but other than that they'll always be paying for the massages. They're not close enough that I'm comfortable about giving them free massages. There are therapists who had friendships has been destroyed in the past over things like this, where a friend got hurt over having to pay after receiving a free massage, or felt entitled to free massages just because of the friendship, no respecting the actual work and skill going into the massage.

With family it's a bit different. I had one Christmas where I gave several members a massage as their Christmas present. I had asked them if they were interested and it turned out to be a big success. The massage given was adapted to the situation and our comforts. Using techniques and draping that made sure we all were comfortable with how things were done.

I urge you as a therapist, to sit down and establish your rules and what you are comfortable with. Set up the limitations, the circumstances and so on and make it clear so everybody involved know what to expect and what to honour. I think giving free massages to friends and family is a good thing, but it needs to be clear that it's a gift and it needs to be clear what's expected in return to make it even and balanced. Only offer a massage when you really feel like giving it and say no if you feel pushed or just aren't in the mood for a massage.

You as the friend or family of a therapist I urge to truly appreciate what it is the therapist does for you when you receive a free massage, and honour the gift and the friendship. It's time taken out of their schedule where they could have had another client. For me, one hour massage would typically earn me 40-50€ (after taxes etc.), so that's pretty much equivalent to me giving you the money in the hand. Understand that massage is the profession of the therapist and their way of making a living. I'm pretty sure you'd be annoyed if your friends came to you and expected you to work for free for them. Repay the gift by doing something good for the therapist, even if it's just inviting them over for an evening for a nice home-made dinner and red-wine.

Do you have any good or bad experiences with friendships and massage? What do you do and how do you balance these things? Do you get massages from your friends? How have you worked it out?

Please share your stories and views below in the comments. I'm very interested in hearing from you.

The relationship between client and therapist

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Due to the intimate nature of a massage, it is likely that a close relationship arises between therapist and client. The client relaxes and trusts the therapist, and might even reach a point where they confide and a form of friendship is created between the two. Sometimes the relationship might even turn to deep friendship, or even a romance.

This can become an issue as the expectations and dynamics of the of the relationships are very different. If the nature of the client and therapist relationship changes, so does the expectations and intents of the massage.

As a professional it's important to set up boundaries and rules as to what interaction is acceptable. There's 100% confidentiality between client and therapist. Nothing that the client does, says or shows must leave the massage room. Of course a therapist may professionally discuss specific cases, but only in general terms and never so that the client can be recognized. As a massage therapist we lie under the same confidentiality expectations as a doctor.

This also means that when the client is on the table, he's in focus. It's 100% about him and his needs at the moment. The therapist listens to the client, gives the client a great massage and deals with what massage-related issues there might be. Should the client confide in the therapist or discuss his life and problems, the therapist can listen and offer empathy and care, but unless specifically trained, she shouldn't begin to counsel.

When massage sessions are so intimate physically and mentally, it of course places restrictions on the relationship outside of the massage room. The therapist should ideally not discuss personal issues with the client, as this might lead to a shift in the professional relationship and disallow the client from letting go and receive.

At some point things might change and a genuine friendship arise from the professional relationship. It's then very important to have very clear limits and expectations. As the relationship started out as unequal, it's important that it becomes equal and balanced. That the client doesn't depend on the therapist in any way. In many cases it might be best to completely cease the professional aspect (the massage therapy) and solely focus on the friendship. Once it's clear that the friendship is balanced and equal, massage might be considered again. I'll discuss massage of friends and family next week.

Difference between Cocooning and Castle Building

I have previously written about Cocooning and how it can be a great stress-relief. I've focused on creating a safe environment where people can let go and just feel warm and nourished, to allow them to relax and let go of stresses. In LaStone terms, they call it Castle Building and I've always wondered about that name. It didn't seem right to me and how I felt about the experience.

It turns out it all comes down to intent really. For me a Cocooning is a transformation process. You go in as one and come out as another. Like a butterfly in a cocoon. This can be great changes; like deep insights and emotional healing, or it can be gentle changes; as from stressed to relaxed. The stones and the process allows the person to change her state of mind, her emotions and well-being. Depending on the needs and level of change, foot massage or other things can be implemented. This way it becomes a therapeutic experience on a physical level as well.

In Castle Building it's less about transformation than it's about giving the person strength. Many find it difficult to say no, or keep strong during times of hardship and challenges. For these Castle Building can do wonders. With the aid of the stones, they find strength, confidence and energy to deal with what life is throwing at them. Depending on the person, a Castle Building session might focus more on energetic work than physical techniques. The intent of the session is completely different from that of a Cocooning.

There is also a third type which can be called Bury Your Soul. Essentially it's about leaving the old behind and emerge fresh without the burdens of the past. This is closer linked to Cocooning, but again the intent is different.

So, when you approach the therapist for a Cocooning or a Castle Building, please let her know what you would like to achieve from it and what the intent of the session should be. Pure stress-relief, personal growth, building strength, nurturing and comfort, spoiling yourself or what have you. It will make a difference as to what happens during the session.

Geothermal Deep Stone Therapy

My new cold stones for Deep Stone treatments. They are so beautiful.

Geothermal Deep Stone Therapy is essentially deep tissue massage using hot and cold stones to treat and normalize tight and inflamed muscle tissue. Instead of using hands, knuckles, fingers and elbows to work deeply into the muscles and release the tensions, the stones are used to perform the same job. With a result that is 10 times as effective as hands would be.

First the tissue is warmed up and relaxed with hot stones. The area feels nicely warm and comfortable and many tensions evaporate like dew before the sun. Various techniques are used to further encourage relaxation of the muscles. Warm is after all much more pleasant than cold, so the more we can do with warmth, the better. This is  generally speaking as there are specific cases where hot stones won't provide good results or might even be a bad idea. This is one of the reasons why the therapist must go through proper training in geothermal therapy.

Once an area is warmed up, the cold is used to work on specific areas and muscles. After the heat the cold feels wonderfully refreshing. As cold is sedative, you can work much deeper and effectively. The discomfort is markedly less than it would be during normal deep tissue massage.

The stones serve as a tool which allows the therapist to work much more intensively than she possibly could with her fingers, and in a shorter time. Different shapes and sizes of the stones allows the therapist to do specific work on practically all muscle groups in the body. The cold allows the therapist to go deeply into the tissue and get to those areas where most never go.

The cold is only applied for short periods of time, only as long as it takes to draw out that excess heat in the muscles and cool the particular area down. One stroke of cold stone roughly equals ten strokes by hand, so an area is worked on less than it would be during a normal massage. More isn't necessary. Once the cold is removed, the body sends a fresh supply of warm blood to the area, which is full of oxygen and nutrition. This speeds up and aids the body's own healing process.

The different techniques used in Deep Stone create amazing results. The combination of hot and cold flush the system, and the deep cold massage releases those stubborn tensions in the body. The client will leave the table feeling great. He has an increased range of motion and muscles which are relaxed and normalized. There's no pain the day after, at most only a light soreness. Deep Stone is a great massage therapy technique, which is effective and gentle at the same time.